Pissed off.
And I should be training my patience level at this period of time. Why do people love testing my patience? Don't they know that it's not worth testing? And why can't you just teach me instead of me playing the guessing game? Pointless no?
Lately, I've been writing unmotivating stuff. I should start on the Haruki Murakami book that I've borrowed, but I don't seem to have the time to sit and read the book at one go. Hopefully, I'll find time this weekend...
I can't imagine how my life will be once school starts...
P.S. Tmr's the orientation.
Is it wrong to dream? Everytime I dream, I end up being blinded by the fantasy I make up and neglect the reality. Maybe it's a terrible mistake to believe in what you said the other time: "Just dream. It'll happen one day if you keep believing in it." All I see now is little dream castles built atop of a mountain so high that it's now neatly hidden behind the white fluffy clouds, which I once dreamt of moving towards.
This is not a post of me giving up - it's just, perhaps, I need a break. A break from chasing after the train that's speeding up by the minute. It's funny that such thoughts are running through my head although I'm coping fairly well work-wise.
But, something seems to be lacking. The void within me is burning ever so strongly now, and I wonder why. I've lived these past 20 years without you, yet now I'm yearning for that one thing I'm missing now.
The night sky seems so calm tonight. Clear and filled with stars that for once I can see twinkle. The crescent moon is so white that even the purity of the winter snow can never come close to be a comparison. My already-cold skin was embraced by the cool wind when I left work just now, and strangely the chill felt so warm and welcoming on my skin. I didn't want the journey to end so I walked as slowly as I can - at the same time taking in everything that I came across. A couple was exchanging laughters and opinions, a lonely man was finding comfort in his puppy, a family was smiling their way to the mall for dinner, and a guy, just like me, seemed to be as lost. It struck me then - how have I become like that? Why are we constantly searching for something new?
Sometimes, I don't get myself. I don't really fancy changes. Yet, I complain about the situation I'm in and now finding for this new companion in this journey that I once treaded alone. How truly important is this person, I wonder? Will this person fit into my life as well as FB has to my life? Maybe it's a sad comparison, but frankly, I doubt how well I can feel comfortable with this person.
It's funny, and nearly hilarious, that I'm just 20 and searching for such deep meanings. Am I too mature for my own good? But, if I don't think now, when do I contemplate about such issues? Will it be too late, if I procrastinate, and I might never meet this person?
Yes, I believe that there's a soulmate made for me, like how I'm made for that person. This person may or may not be my husband. For all I know, this person might be a female. I don't mind, as long as I get to meet this person. All I need is a true companion on this now-lonely voyage called dream...
--
Music makes me lose control. LOL.
I don't rmb the last time I read Hollywood tabloid. Damn.
**Edited/Added photos on Aug 22
I'm having one of those days, when I feel as if there's no inspiration in my colourless life. I've stopped writing random stories, poems and even my graphic design + icon-making days seem to have vanished suddenly. It's probably due to the breakdown of lappy, but even my writing seem to have become duller.
Honestly, I don't know what to make out of the person I'm turning into. I'm at lost whether the change is for better or worse, whether I should just let it be or do something about it. From what I know, my personality has always stayed the same. Maybe I became a little shy in secondary school, and then became a little outspoken after my internship. But, otherwise, I've been the same. However, lately, I feel the usual me has changed drastically. Gone are the stream of strange thoughts that clouds my mind, that I've to scribble on something every hour.
Is it the place or the tasks thrown to me? I've questioned myself more than a dozen times. But, I doubt so.
Perhaps, I need more inspiring things around me (i.e hot-looking guys). So, I've decided that I'll create the Nisha's Wall of Hunks at my workplace. I shall work on this asap, so that I can unite with my usual self soon. Looking forward to it...
Picture of my wall!
I've even ranked them!
5 - Josh Holloway,
4 - Ed Westwick
3 - Bruno (Shaun begs to differ. He think Bruno should top the chart. Ha!)
2 - Robert Pattinson
And No 1 is.... *cue drum roll* ... Jude S. Chan a.k.a JJ Law! If you don't know JJ Law... He was the face of Ngee Ann in... 2003, I think. Jude's ego has become bigger with him topping my Wall of Hunks chart. ;P
And I took this a longgg time ago, when I...
... won imagine winning $200,000. Wahhh~ I really can act as if I won a million dollars!
On another note, I've got lotsa photos from the Sentosa trip with Sab and Ros, but no time to upload. And photos form my birthday celebrations. I shall find time for this self-time soon. =)
What best way to welcome my 20th with a pre-party with the two students and one working adult, and then a quick supper with besties. Though I spent about 3/4 of my 20th birthday at work, my colleagues made it memorable with lunch at Potter's (though I had to ask for them to sing me happy birthday, LOL, shameless me) and Koko G treated me to ice-cream during her smoke break. She also drew me a lovely birthday card of sorts (with the coloured pencil 'stolen' from the Beaver kids). I'll post a picture of it soon! And though I worked till late last night, dinner with my family summed up the day very well. =)
Frankly, I feasted like crazy for the past three days that I feel like I've gained about 5kg (seriously!). As you get older, presents don't matter anymore. Suddenly, time seems to be much more valuable and precious in comparison with mere materialistic objects. I'm thankful that these important people in my life actually take time off to send best wishes to me and even bothered to spend more than 4 hours just to sit down, eat, chat and laugh about stupid things.
And to people who painfully sent their presents over - Thank you very much! Each and every present showed the thought that went into it. =) To Shone, sweets for that delivery from Aust! =)
Fasting month is starting next week! I'm gladly anticipating it.
I've got lots of photos to post! Soon, soon. =D
NDP's over. I enjoyed every bit of it and hated as much. I'd probably not go back to ushering, but I would like to contribute in NDP in other ways. Let's see what the future will bring!
Orthros no Inu has such an appealling storyline. The plot's dark aura made me think twice about watching it. But once I clicked the play button, I got so sucked into the story and didn't want the episode to end. I've never watched any dramas or listened to any songs by Takizawa Hideaki. So, I've to say I'm impressed that he can pull the bad-guy role so well, yet pull my heart strings with his smile. His character makes the story even more exciting. And the theme song Hikari Hitotsu fits the drama so well! The music's just awesome. Ryo seems to have taken on the safe role, but his character sure does play an important part in the drama. I can't help but pity that character caught in fate's play.
Buzzer Beat gets me into that nostalgic summer feel. Ahhhhh~ I can feel the sun's heat and the cool morning breeze tingling my skin as I watch the drama. It all the more makes me look forward to Summer Fest! Wheeee~! I hope I'll get to wear yukata this time round. =)
The drama's theme song by B'z is as good as the story! That same summer feel... and Yamapi. Yamapi is THE MAN for summer dramas! Perfect to make me forget about work. LOL.
Overall, I'm hopeful that summer dramas will keep me smiling through this month. I don't want this season to end so soon! Onegai~! =)
I've been wanting to blog for the longest time ever... About the period preceding my one-week long holiday, my holiday and this week. Actually there's nothing much to write about this week - all I did was work, work and work. I almost regretted taking the one-week off because of the piled-up work. But the days I enjoyed last week cheered me up.
Probably it's the people I met in that just one week. It's strange that I got to meet so many people in one week. There's this one man who is soon going to embark on a trip to find out about his ancestry. His family background can totally be written into a book. Then, another one who shared his drama-like love life. From him I learnt that it's pointless to focus on just one thing at a time, because you'll lose sight of the other important things in life. Sadly, that failed to get into his romantic thoughts-filled mind. I doubt I'll ever meet them again, but if I ever do, I'll be sure to make some time to sit down and chat over a cup of coffee.
Other than that, meetings with some friends I've not been able to meet for a long time helped me catch up with what I've been missing out. Funnily, I didn't go online much that one week.
I conjured up many one-liners and poems in that duration. Some written on my notebook. Others pushed away to the back of my mind that I don't recall anymore (as usual, I hate myself for not remembering). We took lots of photos too, but I doubt I'll find any time to upload them.
I partied crazy too and want more! =D
The weeks to come will bring more surprises and shocks, but I shall always remember to take them to my stride.
P.S. Uniqlo is like the most awesome shop ever! If only the crowd wasn't crazy, Amirah and I might have spent more. Oh wells. BTW, we discovered that Cotton On has a sister shop - Rubi, which specialises in shoes. & you guessed right - I bought a new pair of shoes too! =))
