a feeling of bittersweet happiness creeping up,
without my permission.
something difficult to describe in words or actions.
A feeling, I wonder, anyone have felt before.
As though looking forward to something
but not sure everything will go right.
then again
somehow,
somewhere inside,
something tells
everything will be okay.
just enjoy the journey.
the voice from within, who does it belong to?
my unconscious self perhaps?
another week of monotonous hardwork that most of the time does not pay off.
that frequently makes me question what my passion really is.
Another random ranting. Life is getting stranger now. I can't decide whether it has worsened and improved. But, I sure did learn many things (work/friends/family/life wise). People can be quite selfish, and that can get on my nerves. However, I am selfish at times too, so isn't it the same? What ever the case, I am still dreaming to get to where I've planned so much for, though the path seem to be blurred even more now and worsen as the days pass by.
Is the other side any greener?
I ponder the possibility.
What if I were to be there now,
I ask the same question everyday.
Am I not appreciating what I have now
Letting all of it go,
just to take a glimpse of the other side
I am not even very sure about it.
Maybe that is me, a risk-taker?
Or maybe I am just a confused soul.
I've never wanted something so whole-heartedly.
But now I do, and I cry because it seem so faraway.
When will I reach it
and how much more pain to go through?
Maybe it is good to understand the pain now
the process then won't be that painful.
So that I won't doubt myself like how I am now,
Will I ever make it to the other end of the river in happiness?
Random thoughts running through my head. Pardon the messiness: still going with free-style and straightforwardness; all without any rules.
Chrysanthemum,
like sun rays
darkness no more
standing tall, it's parent
the roots neglected
if it cries,
yellow petals down the street,
piled atop the brown leaves
will you watch this (with me) again?
I promise to wait...
Just maybe I've not found the importance of doing my work properly or... I'm just being a typical mass comm student who keeps her work till the last minute when she rush/beg/cry to complete it.
I've THREE articles to complete and lots of photographs to edit yet I've decided to spend my precious time reading tabloid. I must have lost a screw somewhere.
Side tracking: I was put in a really strange situation just now when I attended the "media preview" and interview for one of the S'pore Arts Fest programme. And, I (and Adibah) was clearly the odd one out during the group interview session, considering that the other press people there were professionals from The Straits Times, Channel NewsAsia and The Business Times (too many Times: okay, laming).
But, it taught me a valuable lesson - professionals don't mean they are respectful. I mean, okay, only one was disrespectful. Who would sms when she is in the middle of an interview session? Your parents didn't teach you manners is it? I was a little pissed off about it (or maybe over-reacting) because the interviewee didn't seem happy about it.
Otherwise, wow, it was scary. I had to start the "ball rolling" with a pathetic question (maybe the rest purposely kept quiet because they wanted to give 'the rookie' a chance to ask a brilliant question before the battle of interview starts). LOL. I failed to come up with a brilliant question, but I'm glad I was around these wonderful, pro, active people who bombarded questions after questions. I managed to get loads of good quotes. *glees*
And one of the assistant dance choreographer was good-looking. Nice pretty eyes he haddddd.... *dreams* He looked into my eyes when he spoke and that totally made me lose conscious (drama-ing: just lost the sense that I was in the middle of an interview). But, he seem a little unkempt because he was rehearsing before meeting us (think messy golden curly hair still looking hot though). Ahhh....that's what you call charming.
Actually, I have FOUR articles plus a 1000-1200 words interim report to complete. So much for the long holiday. Yikes! It's going be a hectic one! It totally slipped my mind that I've two appointments this weekend. BAD NEWS.
Hoping everything will go as planned, though it is not going so presently.
In mere 5 minutes,
the agony of 50 years.
isn't it pointless to look ahead?
you can't figure out your present
glitzy appearance,
pleasant facade,
cheat is the right word.
even the mist surrounding me can't cover my sins.
the harsh sun rays and stormy weather can do nothing to me.
I've suffered far worse pain than that.
After two weeks for waiting, I finally got my hands on Rookies episode one last night and I've to say, it was really addictive, with me feeling as if I was part of the drama. Really hooked - no wonders why I was depressed when my computer screwed up on me and prevented me from going on to episode two. Oh wells, I kind of got over it. But, one thing was disturbing me - the theme song. While watching the drama, I felt as if Niji by Aqua Timez whould have made a better theme song for Rookies rather than Gokusen 3. Just a thought... maybe because of the lyrics and it would have made a better impact for Rookies. However, the song for Rookies was good, but I didn't manage to find out what the song is Kiseki by Greeeen.
It’s all right, look up again
It's all right, look! The seven-colored bridge
At last we laugh under the same sky
- Niji by Aqua Timez
When you said goodbye, I was searching earnestly for a slight possibility of meeting you again. Even if it is going to be many years from now, I won’t mind the wait. But, the more I searched, the more I realise that there are no such chances of meeting with you again. My eyes stinged with tears as the realisation hit hard. I knew just then what exactly I should do so that I won’t think back this moment and regret not doing it. I ran back to you, like a coward who is afraid of losing something precious. I ran and ran with all my might like never before in my life or never again. Pass the college entrance. It may be the last time I’ll be meeting you but I’ll live my life for the sake of meeting you again, I thought as I waved frantically back at the smiling you, though I knew you hurt as bad as I do inside.
***
I've lost something important of small things
The cold ring showed its glimmer to me
I said, "All I need is today," but that wasn't the case
The door to you vanished without a sound
The more I wish for your happiness, the more selfish I become
But still, I want you to stay, and I always did
When someone's wish comes true, she'll be crying
That way the door won't make a sound
I wanted to become the only one who can heal you, who is needed by everyone,
and I've endured it a little too much
To wish for own happiness is not selfish, right?
If that's so, I want to hold you as tight as I can
When my tears dry up, she'll be crying
That way, the ground under us won't dry up
The more I wish for your happiness, the more selfish I become
But you never hold me back, you never did
When someone's wish comes true, she'll be crying
Everyone's wishes can't be granted at once
As the small earth rotates, I learn to become more kind
I want to hug you once more, as soft as I can
- だれかのねがいがかなうころ (When Someone's Wish Comes True) by Utada Hikaru
Fill the void in this picture-perfect world with your imagination.
Or maybe, the world will be a better place without mankind.
Credit to Eunice Li Shi Qi for coming up with the bouncing castle and perfect colour combination for this piece. =)
Okay, I am reminiscing my Year One days as I watch Gokusen 3.
"Maou" is a remake of the 2007 Korean suspense drama "The Devil" ("Mawang"). In this version, Ohno plays a lawyer seeking revenge against the killer of his relatives. For the role, he has cut his hair and dyed it black. Meanwhile, Ikuta has been cast as a detective investigating a mysterious series of murders.
Filming is scheduled to start at the end of this month. The show will air on Fridays at 10:00pm.
And that so made my day! Firstly, at last I get to see Ohno's wonderful acting on screen (I've only seen some snippets of his ぶたい and his acting mesmerised me, absolutely). Another thing is that it's a remake of "THE DEVIL" and Ohno plays the lawyer (in Mawang, it was JOO JI HOON)! O.M.G. And, Ikuta is the nice detective. I wonder who's playing the psychic lady.
I'm absolutely excited now that I don't know how to express all the racing thoughts in here. Most looked forward drama of the year, no doubt whatsoever (so, better not disappoint me).
Will she ever shut up?
I am shameless for those feelings.
Only looking at
the beauty of the other side,
I failed to notice
the beauty of the nearest you.
I'm thinking of writing one-shot fanfic stories. I was inspired to write after reading some of those online, just for the thrill of finding out how creative I can be. *thinks*
Oh sheesh, I spent last night worrying about installing some kind of Mac software to recover my iPod songs that I forgot to take some screenshots of episode 2 and 3 of Last Friends. Well, not in a hurry to blog about it, but I was planning to do so today. Maybe I should be the guai intern and complete all pending works by the end of work.
Random ranting (something I've been thinking about, maybe, don't know. still in progress actually.)
Not falling for anyone,
The pain I am enduring
cannot be prolonged.
Through stormy and sunny days,
I rather have my company.
Myriad of confusion
surfaces around me.
When I see you,
once firm me falls again
How do I get rid of it
to stand strong with my decision?
Decision not the same
because of you.
Somehow, somehow, I thought this can work out.
The rate it is going, don't you doubt that too?
End the fake felicity in front of our friends
it will stop us from falling deeper
into the facade of love.
Myriad of confusion
surfaces around me.
When I see you,
once firm me falls again
How do I get rid of it
to stand strong with my decision?
Decision not the same
because of you.
As darkness fall, I thought once again,
is it happily ever after?
While walking on the overhead bridge, I realise how beautiful the rows of trees rooted in the middle of the road can be so beautiful. I wonder how it will to stand there with them and weather through rain, shine and wind.
Understanding you is a tough job
Giggling when storm nears,
settling when sun shines,
understanding you is a tough job.
The stunner you put me to shame
Gleeful and doleful; unpredictable
understanding you is a tough job.
What are you really?
it'll stay a mystery.
On my way to work, I conjured a really suicidal-sounding piece of i-don't-know-what-it-is. But, here goes:
Festive Melancholy
Amidst the chaos,
I found inner peace.
Am I going to die?
Scream sounds like laughter,
Mope feels like pleasure.
Am I waiting for death?
I am not srue how to end this, but you can decode as I didn't want that situation 'I was in' to end. The title reflects the sadistic side of me. (It is supposed to show how 'festive' I felt when people were suffering in pain due to an accident. Actually I was supposed to be in pain too, but I enjoyed the torture.) Decipher for yourself.
Must be due to the loss of songs PLUS videos in iPod saga. I miss watching Wahaha PV on my iPod. *sobs* iPod touch is a loser.
On a happier note, Moriji always make my day, even when I have hundreds of suicidal thoughts running through my mind (okay, not really. I've never wanted to take my own life. But, you get the drift). Especially his cute little butt; it puts a huge retarded smile on my face, but it's for good so I won't complain about how I smile to myself VERY frequently.
Okay, being retarded again.
I think Moriji is secretly in love with my enemy, touchy (a.k.a iPod touch)!!!! See, he's kissing it.
When will I grow up, you ask?
Even I don't know.
