I’ll change my lifestyle for you.
I’ll even give up everything I love so that I’ll look good with you.
I’ll do those things I once thought was dumb so that I can be with you.
I’ll do all for you,
but I won’t say a word
why I’m doing it and for whom I’m doing this for.
Not even to you.
Does everything go well only when it is planned out? But, sorry, that certainly is not the case for me. I know myself the best and I know very well I won't carry out what I plan. Even if it is a fantastic one and I seemed to be excited about it while planning it with you. That whole conversation was a waste time, wasn't it, now that you come to think of it? I mean, why plan out when I'm certain I won't carry it out. Oh gosh, sorry for the waste of time. Now, I've to call you and break the news that I didn't even carry out the first task we planned out.
A day that would come once in every 4 years is being spent as though it is just another day. Yes, it is just another day, but I am a pretty sentimental person and dates play a role in the decisions I make. For instance, if I'm going to change a daily routine of mine like maybe, doing push-ups before going to bed, I'll start it on the first day of the month. Even if I made the decision on the second day of the month, I'll wait till that new month to come before implementing. Whether I DO implement it is another issue. Yup, dumb - you can say. It is, actually, but it is just who I am. Back to the day that comes every 4 years. Well, nothing to say about that actually. Just that I'll be meting with the group like every Friday to unwind to the Friday night breeze and some music, and of course, who can forget the late movies. Life might look good now, but I question myself, for how long it will be so?
Sometimes I wish life will be like a drama
Fast forward all painful parts.
Slow mode all happy ones.
Wouldn't life be a breeze then?
But, you questioned me.
Then, would that really be life?
I thought of that every seconds since.
But, I came to no conclusion.
For I am blinded by the modernised indulgence,
and I am just another keeping-up-with-the-fast-pace being.
All I want is success and I think of only that.
And when I succeed one, I eye for another.
Human indulgence...
Ther are times when I don't act upon the way I was supposed to
and all I did was complain about how life is unfair.
I still do that now.
Yes, I am being stupid.
I mean, I don't do anything to get to reach out for my success
Yet I whine about what I don't have.
Ha!
Aren't you ashamed of me now?
Don't you just want to slap me across my face?
But, please listen to me first.
I am after all a confused girl who needs help.
Help from you.
Only you.
And, now I've got it.
Thank you for shouting right into my face,
until my ears decided to take it in and my brain decided to function those words for my understanding.
These words will lead me to my happiness, I have faith they will.
Because I believe you when you said,
Those who have happiness have endured many to get what they have now.
It's funny - how you dream that you meet someone and you actually do so later in the day. Coincidence? But, it happens often.
Strangely, I am excited for YOG result. Maybe I should have gone to Padang with the group.
I woke up this morning thinking that it was Wednesday, proving that I am already in my holidaying-slacking state.
I was going through my diary and I got this one written somewhere at the start of the semester, last year.
Frustrated, hated, dejected, karma.
Must be the karma.
Oh god, please help this helpless soul find her peace.
For she needs it really bad.
As suicidal thoughts run through her head,
Do magic on her to switch all negative thoughts to positive.
Please god, help her and I will pray for her lost soul for you.
Her soundless cries will never be heard by the others, except you.
No one understands the real her, except you.
No one knows of her dreams and wishes, except you.
She is lost with no directions where to go.
Please god, help this poor girl as she continues to cry for help to no particular one.
And now she feels guilty and selfish as she thinks of those who are way less fortunate than her.
Her life is after all considered perfect for these people.
And she questions, why is life filled with so many complications?
So many different kind of people?
When will these differences be shunned to bring upon peace and equality among all?
She questions and questions to end up crying again.
So much of depression I was in when I wrote that. I'm not sure whether I've recovered from that uncertainty - I am still living in uncertainty.
On a lighter note, I'm back to watching japanese dramas! YAY! It's a nice feeling doing that. Currently it is Honey and Clover and One Pound Gospel. Apart from that, I've the urge to watch horror movies, just to scare myself for fun. Yes, I am a weird person. Why, I evenly laughed whenever Sweeney Todd slashed a person's throat, letting blood gush out. Really, blood gushes out like that? It almost seemed fake. But, I really enjoyed the movie, Sweeney Todd, yesterday with my three girlies. It was also fun watching Eunice covering her eyes and making the 'Err!' sound whenever Johnny Depp had the sadistic look. Sheesh, what a revelation! I am sadistic too.
Those childish dreams come rushing back to me, and I realise I really want to live them. So, here I am promising, "I'll meet you one day."
I really will. Don't doubt me.
My life is currently in peril. Whatever happened to my love for you? I should have started earlier, I complain, whine and kick up a huge fuss now when I knew this will happen so much in advance. Sighs. I prove to be just another normal self-absorbed so-not-pragmatic dumb human being after all.
I thank you for not nagging at times like this, but please realise the temporary torture I'm facing now and forgive all my mistakes. Thank you, I really do.
Yup, I do feel the regrets of not memorising the term used to describe the longitudinal research's empirical value. There goes my 3 marks. Oh well, at least it's over, and ironically, I enjoyed doing the paper. Though I wasted about 10 minutes going to the washroom and all.
BFFs outing was fun! I don't remember the last time I had such great fun (the 'study' outing with the 3 girls is an exception though). We didn't get to watch a movie, sadly. I was looking forward to it, but Travis cd purchase made it up. The Man Who. I haven't got around listening to the songs though.
I've found a new-found love for Kobukoro at HMV yesterday. The first song I listened to from their ALL SINGLES BEST album was so captivating that it made listen to the next one. The songs gave me the honey and clover-kind of feel, and this kind of vibe is what I so need now. I didn't get to listen to the rest since it was getting late. Maybe I should have bought Kobukoro instead of Travis? Okie, I'll not start regretting till I actually listen to Travis. Oh, thank goodness, I didn't purchase Killers. I would have absolutely regretted it.
Oh god, and I'm a bitch. I actually don't believe you, or maybe that guy is some loser. Oh wait, he is, even you agree.
And this is such an incompleted entry.
Seriously, sometimes you make me want to throw up. You will lead a perfect life if you throw away the super-social life of smoking, drinking, bitching and clubbing. I'm not saying that those are bad, it is just that you OVERDO them, resulting in the state you are now. STOP being who you are not. I can't stand you and your pretentiously glamorous mates who you believe love you. So much for valentine's day.
